Today.

Your fur was thick, and your heartbeat was not as strong as I had expected. I bent your elbow up to better judge where I should start looking, pressed hard with my fingertips between your ribs and I could feel it. Steady. Alive. You were completely unconscious, which makes me feel a little better about what I'm about to do. I pull out my syringe, with the long, large bore needle attached. I again feel for your heart, marking the spot with my index finger. I can just barely feel it fluttering. I slide the needle through the space in your ribs, I can tell when I hit your heart. The steady rhythm suddenly picks up; it is beating madly when I draw back a bit of blood into the needle, just to be sure I'm in the right place. I slowly inject the thick, viscous pink fluid.... I can feel your heart rate immediately begin to slow and stop. When I put my stethoscope to your chest, I hear nothing. Just the barking of the other dogs, reverberating through your now-quiet chest.

Today's death list was short; three creatures.

First was a cat, who though she was sweet was FIV+ and therefore, in shelter medicine, slated for death. However, we are not a normal shelter, so we did try to adopt her out. Unsuprisingly, she had no takers.

The two dogs, however, I feel very sad about.

Dog number one was a very sweet, young female lab mix. Friendly and lovable. Unfortunately, she was blind. Again, shelter medicine... she is less adoptable and therefor more expendable. I want to hunt down whoever let this sweet dog get lost with no ID and let them know just how idiotic they are. Microchips are NOT expensive. They are permanent. We always scan.

Dog three was the one that really upset me. She was a small terrier mix, 10 years old, up to date on everything, spayed, etc. Clearly very loved. She was turned in because her owner had to go to an assisted living facility and could not take the dog. Apparently no one in the owner's family had room for an elderly, small dog. She was on the last list too, but I pleaded her case and bought her more time. But, unfortunately, no one wants to adopt a 10 year old dog, so there was no reprieve this time around. (Except me; that is beside the point. I simply can not have another dog... I rent and all ready have twice the pets I started with! But I was so close to taking her home today...) I pulled her out of her kennel, she was so happy to be getting attention... and then we killed her. I felt like we betrayed her, and her owner.


Sigh.

Please don't breed.

I am so thankful, in a way, I work at a military run vet clinic.

It gives me the ability to say "Well, ma'am, if you do breed your dog, please be aware that we will not see it or the puppies here. We do not condone breeding. Please remember there are many pets dying in shelters".

That, by the way, is a much nicer way than my supervisor puts it, who blatantly tells people to go look at all the homeless dogs at our shelter, and guess how many we'll have to kill that month. I do not have the rank to put it that way :)


We've stopped accepting owner turn-ins for dogs at the moment, we may have to make more room soon. No one is adopting right now. We do have a petfinder site, but I don't want to put a link because who knows what I may write in the future; I'd rather not have my identity really known.

What I do NOT understand is why people spend hundred or even thousands of dollars on genetic messes like bull dogs. Skin problems, breathing problems, allergies, they're just awful. And people buy them who are totally ignorant of all the problems these dogs have. That money would save so many shelter dogs...

Dear former owners,

To the people who abandoned their elderly dog:

He died today, because I was forced to kill him. Don't you know this is military PCS season, and most people are too lazy and irresponsible to bring their pets? So, we have alot of turn-ins. Unfortunately, we don't have alot of kennels.

Your sweet old dog, who badly needed a dental cleaning, had been at the shelter too long. He's dead now.

And to the man with the pittbull with the ear infection:

Once you saw your dog try to bite me, did you really hold out any hope that he'd get adopted? I gave him a chance. I made sure his ears were getting treated, and his behavior didn't change. You can erase your guilt by telling yourself that "well, no one takes pit bulls anywhere so it's not my fault" but guess what... YOU should have thought of that BEFORE you got the dog! You KNOW you'll be moving if you're in the Army. WHY get a dog that so many places have restrictions against? Guess what, your dog is dead too now.

And the people who turned in the sweet older cocker mix... Why is your seven year old, 25 pound dog suddenly jumping the fence? And why does that mean you have to turn her in? Doesn't matter, she's dead too now.

Moe. You were a cute dog. Very nice. With your nice leather collar, registration tags, microchip... you were even neutered. I bet you even slept in the bed with your family. You had that sweet face. Now where are you sleeping? In the freezer. The last thing you felt was my had stroking your face as I listened to your heart stop beating.

And Max... who knows what your real name was. I thought you had a chance. You got adopted, your new dad was even going to treat your heartworm disease. A few days and a change of heart later, you were returned... they claimed allergies. I'm sorry, Max.


Five souls were released, I hope that the needle doesn't hurt much when it pierces their heart. It's such a strange feeling, to drive a needle into a beating heart. I always give them more sedation than I should, I don't want them to feel it...

The best thing I can give them is a clean death. My small, worthless gift.

Think, people.

I am upset with my fellow military members, or at least those who have pets but do care enough to put forth an effort to bring their pets when they move.

In an ideal world, it wouldn't be so expensive to ship pets overseas (not to Iraq, obviously; I'm referring to Germany, Korea, Japan, etc). It certainly is not impossible. Every post veterinarian knows the requirements for every country you could possibly get sent to. And believe me, some are strict, especially countries like Japan that are rabies-free.

Others simply don't want to deal with the hassle of traveling with pets. If you're not willing to drive cross country with a huge dog, maybe you should have a small dog. There are hotels that don't even charge a pet fee! I know for a fact-- I had a 4-day journey from my last duty station to my current, and I did that with two pets (and a husband, who is sort of like a pet, only bigger and messier). I paid one $10 pet fee for one hotel, one night.

And with enough notice, it's easy to find housing that allows pets. Housing on base allows pets, too. All you have to do is plan ahead.


Use common sense. Lower ranking, single soldiers are usually required to live in barracks--no pets allowed. If you are lucky enough to be given permission to live off post, in a house or apartment... Don't run out and get a dog! We had a turn-in last week: year old, intact male schnauzer. Owner? A single soldier who got orders to Korea, and will have to live in barracks.
Apparently she was distraught...it was her own stupidity for not having a back up plan.

And pit bulls. I have NO PROBLEM with the breed. But pit bulls + military simply DO NOT WORK. Too many posts have bans. Counties and cities have bans. And if you have to turn in a pit bull to a shelter, it's probably going to die. But no one thinks of that.

I just had to put one down yesterday. He was a sweet boy.

The Intro

Hello. Here is a bit of background on myself and this blog, since my little world will probably need alot of explaining. I don't want to give out too much personal information, but here we go.

I am an enlisted individual in the US Army. I chose my job, which is working as a vet tech. I am passionate about animals. Anyway, something alot of people don't know is that most military installations have vet clinics on them. Our primary mission is prevention of zoonotic diseases and full care for military working dogs, but each clinic I have worked at also has a regular vet clinic for military & retired personnel to bring their pets to.

Some posts, such as the one I am currently assigned to, have stray facilities. Ours houses strays found on post and owner turn-ins, and adopts them out.

Here what the main subject matter of this blog will be regarding: We are NOT a "no-kill" shelter. We do not set time limits on how long animals can be with us, but we are limited on kennel space and decisions have to be made.

I do not make these decisions, I follow orders. (remember: army)


I kill healthy animals.


I kill healthy animals whose owners were too lazy to train them, were forced to move overseas and didn't want to bring them, strays who simply weren't adopted soon enough and needed to be euthanized to make room for others.

I do not like this part of my job. Each time I have to euthanize, I am filled with anger that it comes to this. That somewhere, in an animal's life, humans have failed it to the point where its life is ended on the cold concrete floor of a noisy shelter; one shot to knock it out, and the other, straight into its heart, to kill.

No "one shot, one kill" here.

As I feel its heart stop beating, listen to the silence that has overtaken the rythmic, soothing beat of a living heart, I want to cry. Not because of the loss of animal life. Because somewhere there is a person who doesn't care that I just killed their pet.